Mountains and Molehills
by JantoJones
Summary: Ianto has a slight crisis of confidence. (Set season 1 after Countrycide)


They were all keeping well out of Owen's way. Every so often a clatter could be heard from the autopsy bay, swiftly followed by some fine examples of Anglo-Saxon. Gwen and Tosh rolled their eyes at each other but kept quiet. Neither of them wanted Owen's wrath directed at them. Jack had sought refuse up in the boardroom. He wanted nothing to do with it, figuring Owen would burn himself out eventually. None of them even knew what was eating the medic, figuring they'd ask when he calmed down. The only person who wasn't aware of the hub's current atmosphere was Ianto. He was up in the tourist office doing his 'public face' job.

It had been a fairly standard morning for Ianto. He served all of two tourists, one of whom asked directions to the Mermaid Quay. Ianto had to try very hard to keep the sarcasm out of his voice when he'd told the man that 'this is Mermaid Quay'. He'd spent the rest of his time in his office, catching up on Torchwood paperwork. After locking the tourist centre door, the Welshman headed to the lift, which would take him into the hub. It was time to take everyone's lunch orders. He hadn't reached the lift when the door opened and Owen stormed out. He ploughed into Ianto, knocking him hard against the wall.

"Watch it," Ianto called after him.

Owen span round. "Fuck off Ianto; you shouldn't have been in the way."

He thrust his palm at Ianto's chest causing the receptionist to fall backwards. "You're always where you're not wanted."

With that, he continued his way out of the facility.

Ianto sat on the floor awhile, insecurities creeping into his head. Without meaning to, he had taken Owen's words to heart. Did he really mean that? Did the others think the same way? They were funny around him sometimes and he honestly couldn't blame them. He had betrayed them all after all. It didn't take long for Ianto to convince himself that they must think like Owen. Abandoning his initial lunch order task, he went back to his office. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, he wrote a short letter. The letter was placed in an envelope addressed to Jack and left on the counter. Ianto unhooked his car keys and exited, locking the door behind him.

Forty-five minutes later, Jack made a trip up to Ianto's office. He could have just phoned up, but as he wasn't doing much he decided to come up. He'd come looking to see why Ianto hadn't come for the lunch orders yet. Calling out his name, Jack looked through the beaded curtain into Ianto's office. Finding it empty he turned to pick up the phone on the counter. As his hand reached out, he noticed the envelope bearing his name. He very quickly tore it open and read its contents.

_Jack,_

_I've had enough. I've reached the limit to the amount of shit I can put up with. I understand that I brought most of it on myself but everyone takes me for granted. When I am noticed it is usually just an acknowledgment of my presence. I'm leaving._

I want nothing more to do with Torchwood.

Ianto  
  
Jack slammed his fist down on the counter. Then hot-footed it down to the hub. He darted through the cage doors to his office, shouting over to Toshiko along the way.

"Tosh get a trace on Ianto's car."

She was about to question the Captain when she noticed the thunder in his face. Once in his office, Jack tried to call Ianto's mobile. As he expected he was forwarded to voicemail. He threw his coat on and pocketed the keys to the SUV.

"I'm going after Ianto; I'll fill you in on the way. Keep me on his tail."

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After driving aimlessly for two hours, Ianto came across a small B&B. He decided that it was as good a place as any to stop for the night and plan his next move. Before setting off properly, Ianto had made a very quick detour to his flat. There, he picked up a few clothes and toiletries. From the bathroom cabinet he retrieved a small tub that contained a small amount of Retcon. Ianto had stolen it after the incident with Lisa. No one knew it had gone missing, as it was his job to keep the inventory in check. He'd eventually decided not to take it but had yet to take it back. As he climbed out of the car the first spots of rain were beginning to fall. The heavy black cloud seemed to have been following Ianto since he left Cardiff. Looking around at the expanse of fields all around him, Ianto shuddered involuntarily. He wasn't so keen on the countryside these days. That whole business with the cannibals had put him right off.

The B&B was a fairly small building, with six guestrooms and a large garden. It didn't take Ianto long to acquire himself a room. The owner, Mrs Evans, had commented that it would be a nice change to have a handsome young man staying. Ianto had given her a weak smile before making his way to his chintz-laden room. He stood in front of the window for a while, watching as the rain got heavier. He watched as the cleansing rain washed the grime from the windows. Without any conscious thought, Ianto soon found himself standing in the garden. The rain fell on him almost unnoticed. Mrs Evans had gone out once to try and persuade the young man to come in, but as she got no response from him so left him to his own thoughts. Ianto pulled the tub of Retcon from his pocket and stared at it.

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It took Jack a lot longer than he'd hoped to catch up with his errant employee. He'd managed to get caught up in Cardiff's busy lunchtime traffic and the SUV wasn't the nippiest of vehicles for city driving. It certainly didn't help his mood any. Once on the open road though, he soon made up time. Jack had no qualms about breaking the speed limit. As far as he was concerned, Torchwood could do whatever it liked when necessary. Besides, he was using the in-built blue flashing lights. He finally arrived at Ianto's location and parked the SUV next to the younger man's car. Jack had seen the Ianto standing in the garden as he pulled in. Getting out of the vehicle, he fastened his coat around him and pulled up his collar. He silently cursed the welsh weather and strode off towards Ianto.

"Ianto! What the hell is…?" He stopped mid-yell, seeing what Ianto was holding. Jack's heart landed in his stomach. He gently removed the tub from Ianto's unresisting hand.

"Have you taken any of these? Ianto?"

'"No," It was almost a whisper. Ianto looked his boss in the eye. "There are some things I don't want to forget."

Relieved, Jack put his hand on Ianto's shoulder.

"I think we need to talk. Come to the SUV, out of the rain."

Ianto pulled away. He didn't like the idea of getting into the Torchwood vehicle. Jack could simply lock the doors and drive off with him. The Captain could guess at the reason behind Ianto's reaction. The kid could be a suspicious bastard at times.

"Okay. No doubt you've got a room here, we'll talk there."

Once in the room, Ianto stood facing the window, with his arms folded around him, and resumed his earlier rain study. Jack perched on the edge of the bed, which sank alarmingly, having removed his sodden greatcoat.

"Well?" He asked gently.

His anger had dissipated, leaving behind a gnawing fear. Torchwood really couldn't afford to lose Ianto. More than that though, he himself didn't want to lose him. He listened patiently as Ianto recounted the altercation with Owen. Jack made a mental note to have a word with Dr Harper.

"Okay, Owen pissed you off. That doesn't explain the Retcon. It's one hell of an overreaction."

Ianto's head dropped and his shoulders shook as he started to sob. Jack looked to the ceiling in exasperation. When had he become a counsellor? Not that he minded really. It was part of being a good boss. Standing up, he took Ianto by the shoulders and guided him to the overly flowery armchair. This also seemed to possess amazing sinking capabilities. Fishing around in his pocket he found a handkerchief, which he handed to Ianto.

"Tell me what's really going on, Ianto."

It was a couple of minutes before Ianto finally spoke. When he did, it was hardly more than a whisper.

"I'm a liability. You should have executed me when you said you were going to."

"What?" Jack thought back. It was during the whole Cyberwoman thing. He'd said that if Ianto didn't kill Lisa, he would execute him. That had been a heat of the moment thing. Jack had meant every word at the time, but in hindsight he probably could have dealt with it better. What he'd said had obviously screwed Ianto up.

"Ianto, if you were a liability, you wouldn't still be with Torchwood."

Ianto looked at Jack. "What about the whole Brecon Beacons incident? I managed to get myself captured, beaten half to death and almost eaten."

Jack sighed loudly. "So did Tosh. Don't forget, if you hadn't tackled that sick bastard, Tosh wouldn't have managed her temporary escape and it wouldn't have bought me the time to find you. You were hurt badly that day, physically and emotionally, but your sacrifice mattered."

Jack was in no doubt that Ianto had royally screwed up by stashing the half converted cyber-Lisa in the basement, but he understood the motives. He was also well aware that every member of Torchwood 3 had ballsed up in their turn. Jack had forgiven them all in time. He could hardly claim to be a saint himself after all. They'd all been chosen because they were the very best. Ianto was the best of all; not that he'd chosen him. Ianto had inveigled his way in. Without him though, Torchwood simply wouldn't function. He was definitely more than just the tea-boy Own insisted on calling him. Jack did feel very guilty that Ianto was, indeed, often ignored. It was mainly that he was so good at his job that no one needed to notice him. He told all this to Ianto.

"As for getting yourself captured, it can happen to anyone in this line of work. The stuff we do is dangerous, stupidly so at times.

He grinned broadly. "Can you imagine how a Health and Safety inspection would go?"

Jack's heart was lifted when Ianto suddenly smiled.

'"The pterodactyl would have to go," said the younger man.

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A couple of hours later, the two men arrived back at the hub. Ianto seemed nervous about going in.

"What's up?" Jack asked him.

"I feel a bit stupid," Ianto confessed. "I… ran away like a 10 year old child."

Jack laughed. "Don't worry, I phoned ahead. I told them that Owen had pissed you off and you'd had to get away to calm down."

His face clouded over slightly. "I will be having words with Owen."

"Before we go in, if you were running, why did you take your easily traceable phone and car?"

Ianto shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. I suppose subconsciously, I wanted to be found."

As they emerged from the garage, Owen was waiting for them. The look of remorse on his face was enough for Jack to postpone the chewing out that he was planning on giving him. He brushed past him, leaving Owen to face Ianto.

"Yan, I'm really sorry. I took my bad day out on you…"

Ianto held up his hand to stop him. "Don't worry about it Owen. You were stressed and I may have over-reacted, slightly."

He gave Owen a brief smile, then headed off to make some coffee.


End file.
